It’s happening…again: you’re walking down the street, and suddenly, you’re all caught up inside of your head! The little voice keeps on getting louder and louder, telling you why you’re not good enough, how others are judging you at the very moment, and telling you about the worst possible scenarios that can happen in your life. He has an endless list of of BS to make you feel insecure, anxious, ashamed, worried, or just plain bad about yourself.
And he’s more than willing to go over each and every point on that list with you, making it his mission to make every single thought sink into your head – deep enough to feel bad and uncomfortable, and sometimes even deep enough to keep you up at night.
Whether you’re just walking down the street, listening to music…
Or on a date with a cute girl…
Or getting ready for an interview, an exam, or a competition…
Whatever you’re doing, the little voice is right there with you, waiting for the perfect moment to attack you by surprise… And when that moment finally comes, he’ll start whispering in your ear to make sure you feel like shit. He’s a jerk – but a seemingly unbeatable one. Still, if you adopt a few key mindsets, you will be invincible – not only to all the shit that the little voice is throwing at you, but also to the judgments and opinions of other people.
It’s almost like wearing an invisible armor, that makes the opinions and judgments of other people bounce right off of you. This armor makes you powerful, confident, and ultimately: happy. The best part? This armor will become a part of who you are over time.
1. Accept uncertainty
Confidence is more than just certainty – confidence is the illusion of being certain. Or at least being comfortable with uncertainty.
To deal with uncertainties, you can do three things:
- You can gain as much knowledge as possible to decrease uncertainties in your life (although you can’t do this indefinitely)
- You can learn to make decisions and appear certain in uncertain situations
- Or, you can admit that you are uncertain about something – and be OK with it
Uncertainties are everywhere in our lives: anything can happen unexpectedly. So, planning out your whole life, having concrete expectations, and panicking when things don’t go your way are all things that will destroy your confidence and make you miserable in the long run.
Instead, accept that there are many things that you can’t foresee, and be prepared to act certain in the face of uncertainty. Once you adopt this mindset, you will stop worrying about things out of your control, and start focusing on the things that you can control.
You can’t control what another person says to you, but you can control how you react.
You can’t always control how others perceive you, but you can control your emotions when you get criticised, judged, or even hated on.
You can’t control the DNA you were born with, but you can control your overall appearance: your style, hygiene, and body-composition.
You can’t control your life three years from now, but you can control what you do today – which in turn will affect all of your tomorrows.
2. Comfortable with the uncomfortable
Each time you step outside of your comfort-zone, you expand it a little bit. If you do it regularly and build momentum, those bits add up and have a huge impact on your life.
You see, expanding your comfort-zone increases your confidence. You will come to realize that you are capable of so much more than you’ve previously believed – all while gaining amazing experiences along the way.
But there’s one more benefit: you’ll learn to navigate through uncomfortable situations, and actually embrace them. You’ll eventually come to see them as challenges rather than obstacles. And you will be ready for whatever shit life puts in your way – you’ll stop worrying and start living your life. Also, as you expand your comfort-zone and become comfortable with more things, your confidence will explode!
Challenge yourself to step out of your comfort-zone every single day. Do just one thing that scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable:
Go to the gym or take a cold shower.
Go skydiving or hold a spider in your hand.
Approach a cute girl and ask her out or start dancing in the middle of the street.
Be creative, build momentum, and get ready to crush it in life!
3. Love…no matter what
At the end of the day it’s just you. While many people can love and respect you, it’s not enough to make you happy on its own. You can get all the love and respect in the world, but it won’t mean anything if you feel bad about yourself deep down. This is why you have to love and respect yourself, no matter what.
If you love and respect yourself, you won’t need external validation – whether a compliment, respect, or love – to feel good about yourself: you will be perfectly fine with someone disagreeing with you or even disliking you. This is not to say that you don’t need love at all; humans are social creatures, and we do need love from others. You should cherish the love you get from the people closest to you, but you should not strive for the love and respect of others to feel good about yourself. Even if someone dislikes you or treats you badly, you still love yourself. You love yourself no matter what.
With that being said, you should constantly aim to improve yourself. Loving yourself doesn’t mean thinking that you’re perfect; it means accepting who you are at the moment, while finding ways to better yourself.
4. Embrace your failures
As I wrote in my – soon to be published – book: the road to success is paved with failures.
You might be afraid to fail or get rejected. But you have to learn to view failures and rejections as opportunities to improve and learn valuable lessons.
Each failure will bring you one step closer to ultimate success – whether it’s dating, starting a business, applying for a job, or something else. Realize that failures are temporary: if you get back up, learn your lesson, and keep on going, you will achieve success.
With this mindset, it suddenly becomes less intimidating to try new things; less scary to take risks. Even if you fail, you will gain so much: experience and knowledge are there to stick with you, regardless of the outcome. So, whatever happens, you will have gained something from the experience: either what you were striving for, or knowledge to have better chances at getting what you want next time. As long as you take action, take risks, and go for it, you are a winner!
5. Everyone is weird
Once you realize that you aren’t the only one with insecurities, worries, and doubts, you will feel more at ease with other people. Everyone is a little off, a little awkward at times, and insecure about something. Everyone gets stuck inside of their heads having a fist–fight with the little voice from time-to-time – and everyone gets beaten up by him at least a few times in their life.
Even the confident alpha male, the hottest girl, the most successful business-man, and the most well-known celebrity is a human being. As human beings, we are all social creatures trying to find our place in the world. Even the most confident people have brief moments of insecurity sometimes.
Zero fucks should be given about what others think about you – but that’s easier said than done. Still, set that as your goal while living up to your own values and standards; and when the little voice starts talking, remember: most people are so caught up inside their heads worrying about how you perceive them, that they won’t even notice the things you’re worrying about.