Dating is fun – but if done wrong, it can become kind of awkward in no time! Not knowing how to have a meaningful man-to-woman conversation can make your dates become a waste of time: you’ll both become bored with each other, and since you’re not coming off as a confident man, you’ll end up in the friend-zone!
To avoid having mediocre conversations, here are four tips to instantly boost your conversational skills with women, while communicating as a confident man!
1. Keep the focus on her
Guess what everyone’s favorite subject is?
It’s themselves… Everyone loves to go on-and-on about themselves: their achievements, their dreams, their passions, their opinions, and even their everyday things. Everyone has an endless list of things that they can say about themselves, but rarely anyone listens. So, we got used to talking about ourselves only to our closest friends and family – but if you can get the girl to talk about herself to you, she’ll instantly feel a deeper connection with you. Also, you don’t have to think about what to say next, since she’s doing 80% of the talking.
She’s not interested in you yet – at least not enough to want to hear the story of your life, or about all your achievements and successes. In fact, if you start bragging, you’ll come off as a needy guy trying to impress her…
To get her to open up to you, you have to ask her the right questions: the more open-ended questions you ask, the better. Open-ended questions will cause her to answer you in at least a few sentences instead of a few words. They will also give you ammunition for future topics and conversations!
For some inspiration, check these out:
What do you like most about…
What would you do, if…
What do you think about…
Why did you decide to…
How are you planning to…
What’s the best/craziest/funniest/most interesting thing about…
But feel free to get creative! Have the confidence to ask her unique questions, and have fun along the way!
Still, there is one risk in asking too many questions, which brings me to my second point…
2. Don’t go into interview-mode!
Interview-mode is when you ask one question after the other, practically interviewing her. This is creepy for many reasons. For one, it’s fake – and she’ll notice it after some time, unsure about what your true intentions are with her. Secondly, since you’re probably jumping between topics, you won’t even have a chance of having a deeper conversation with her! Finally, every unconfident guy she’s ever dated has done the same thing – you’ll be no different.
To avoid going into interview-mode, here are my top tips:
- Stick to topics that you’re genuinely interested in, while quickly gliding over topics that you don’t give half a shit about!
- Whenever you can, have some sort of reaction to what she’s saying: tell a short story about a similar experience you had, ask a follow-up question, relate to the subject in some way, tease her about one of her answers, or even disagree with her. The point is to be a human being engaged in the conversation, instead of a robot just spitting out questions.
- Try to guide the flow of the conversation, without constantly jumping between unrelated topics. Start off with more basic questions, then gradually go deeper into the subject!
- Have emotional reactions to her answers: play with your facial expressions, laugh if you find something funny, or even interrupt her if you get really excited about something she said!
3. Don’t just pull…push too!
One of the most basic flirting techniques is called the push-pull technique. Pulling is when you give her validation – like agreeing with her, giving her compliments, expressing that you’re attracted to her, smiling at her, confirming what she says, or giving positive reactions to whatever she says or does. While pushing is exactly the opposite: it’s challenging her, disagreeing with her, teasing her, making her explain herself, or even calling her out on something that goes against your core values. Now, you don’t have to be a dick about it, you can actually push in a fun and flirty way…
Most men mess this one up: they give the girl constant validation, without ever challenging her. At first, this seems like a good thing to do, but in the long-run, it will cause you to come off as someone who doesn’t have his own opinions, or is too insecure to disagree. It will cause you to come off as needy, unconfident, and submissive – you’ll become the nice guy on his way to the friend-zone. Also, you’ll become a sure thing – which is no longer exciting for her! To avoid this, make sure to find a good balance between pushing and pulling!
So, make sure to have your own opinions, and speak up! Make sure to tease her – without insulting her – playfully whenever she says or does something that calls for it! Make sure to come off as an individual interested in girls, instead of a pet that’s glued to her, no matter what!
Even if you want to compliment her, you can still do it in a flirty way (but you can also give normal compliments too):
- Say OMG, you drink that cocktail exactly like my uncle Steve does… But you’re a lot sexier than him though! instead of saying You look so sexy when you drink that cocktail!
- Say You look beatiful in that red dress! But you’ll need more than that to seduce me! instead of just saying You look beautiful in that red dress!
- Say Yes! I like girls who can read my mind! instead of saying Wow, you read my mind! I like you!
The main thing to remember here is to remain playful, and not to overdo it! Having a playful tone, a flirty smile, and not taking yourself too seriously is key! Also, don’t insult her – that’s not cool! –, and make sure you don’t become the goof-ball or the player by doing this non-stop!
4. Build some tension
Make sure that by the end of your date, both of you know without a doubt that what you had was a man-to-woman interaction. Using the push-pull technique is one way to ensure this, but you can build sexual or romantic tension in a variety of ways – I recommend combining them all!
Aside from flirting, teasing, and doing the push-pull, there are two other techniques I suggest you do. First of all, at some point in your conversation (probably not within the first three minutes), you’ll want to introduce sex or romance as a topic. The more seamlessly and naturally you can do this, the more willing she’ll be to talk about it, and the deeper you can go into these topics, building tension along the way.
Secondly, introduce touch from the start – this way, it won’t be unnatural or creepy to touch her later on! You can do this by touching her arm lightly when you’re both having a laugh together or when interrupting her; hugging her when greeting each other or saying good-bye; gently gliding your hand on her upper-back or shoulder when you’re back from ordering your drink; or adjusting her hair or wiping something off of her face when you notice something on her. But be careful when touching her: don’t touch her in the wrong places, and if she asks you to stop, you have to stop immediately; also, don’t overwhelm her: a few touches here-and-there are much better than being the guy who can’t take his hands off of her!
What do you think is the most important tip to have a meaningful man-to-woman conversation with her on a date? Let me know in the comments!