You’re on a date – she’s amazing – so, you only hope that she likes you back. But it has happened too many times before: you feel like you’re on track, and all of a sudden the girl friend-zones you. She tells you about a guy she’s seeing, or she tells you how good of a friend you are; or even worse, she tells you that you’re like a brother to her. But this time is different – or at least you hope. You play the same moves, hoping that this one girl will be different; that she’ll finally see you as an attractive man. But as Einstein once said: “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. So, if you really like her, you have to do something differently… You have to learn how to flirt with her.
Flirting is a subtle art – and you are the artist. There are countless ways to flirt with a girl, and some might feel more natural and work better for you than others. Still, one of the easiest ways to flirt is by giving her non-verbal signs that help you achieve the following:
- Let her know that you’re thinking about her in a sexual or romantic way – causing similar thoughts to shape in her head about you
- Make her see you as a confident and attractive man – someone she would like to date, have sex with, or develop a relationship with
And make no mistake: you want her to know that you’re flirting with her; you want her to know that you’re attracted to her – if this intimidates you for any reason, I suggest you start working on your confidence first! To make sure she knows what’s up – without coming off as a creep – I’ll give you my top four tips for flirting without saying a word!
Eyes are probably the most over-mystified organs on the human body. Our mirrors to the world, and the gates to our souls – while all this sounds very poetic, it’s useless BS – at least from a practical point of view.
With that being said, your eyes are probably your most valuable tools for flirting with your body. There are three things you should remember when flirting with your eyes!
First of all, you should be able to hold her eye-contact – even in case of an awkward silence! Let her be the one to break eye-contact at least 80% of the time – and when she does, stop staring at her, otherwise you’ll only creep her out. Instead, look away to the side (not down), almost as if you’d just noticed something interesting behind her.
Secondly, never forget that you’re not a robot! Staring at her with an expressionless face is more than creepy… Instead, have a slight twinkle in your eye, and a flirty smile – a flirty smirk – on your face while holding eye-contact!
Finally, there’s something I like to call the flirty triangle… Whenever she’s talking to you, every once in a while move your gaze from her left eye to her lips slowly – resting your glance there for a second or two before slowly moving your gaze to her right eye. After a few seconds, slowly move your focus back to her left eye. This is a great way to keep eye-contact without staring at her! By allowing your gaze to rest on her lips for a few seconds, she’ll subconsciously start thinking about kissing you! This is one of the most powerful flirting techniques – the key is to do it slowly and seamlessly, having the confidence to rest your gaze on her lips and eyes!
Whenever you hold her hand, you’ll touch her; whenever you kiss her, you’ll touch her; whenever you have sex with her, you’ll touch her. But after a long date of keeping your hands to yourself, you can’t expect to somehow skip to kissing or to having sex – you’ll have to build trust and tension first!
For this reason, you should introduce touch from early on. Introduce yourself with a handshake, and from then on you should greet her with a hug, or a kiss on both cheeks! Finally, make sure to touch her multiple times throughout your date:
- Touch her arm whenever you interrupt her mid-sentence, or whenever you’re both having a good laugh together
- Help her take her coat off – basically help her undress – when going inside from the street
- Gently glide your hand on her upper-back to let her know you’re back whenever you leave her alone for a few minutes – like when you order a drink or use the toilet
- Whenever you notice some nice jewellery or a tattoo on her, touch it while asking a related question
- If you want to lead her somewhere, take her hand to do so
Now, touching can be overdone – and that’s just creepy or plain annoying. So, don’t be the guy who can’t keep his hands off of her! While physically advancing things is a good thing, make sure not to touch her at the wrong spots; if she asks you to stop, you have to stop, no matter what!
Distance is closely related to touch. I’ve seen many guys make the mistake of keeping a huge physical distance between themselves and the girl on a date. This is wrong for many reasons. First of all, touching becomes awkward, since you have to reach out to touch her. Secondly, it becomes harder to have an intimate conversation, since there’s a greater chance of someone else overhearing. Finally, by keeping a distance from the girl, you create an artificial barrier – one that will cause difficulties later on.
If you like her, keep her close! By shortening the physical distance between you and the girl, flirting and advancing things becomes much easier and more natural – since she’ll become comfortable with your physical presence and closeness. Whenever you have to make a decision between two choices on your date, pick the one that shortens the physical distance between the two of you!
Sit next to her instead of facing her!
If she can’t hear you, lean closer to her instead of talking louder!
Whenever she wants to show you something on her phone, lean in over her shoulder instead of taking her phone!
Whenever it’s raining, stand under one umbrella instead of two!
Share a snack from one bowl instead of splitting it in two bowls!
The list goes on-and-on, but shortening the physical distance between you and the girl will open up a wide range of new opportunities boosting your chances of success – despite being so simple and seamless to do!
If you could watch yourself talking to an attractive girl from the outside, what would you see? A confident man, or a guy who looks like he just wants to get out of there?
You’re body tells the world so much about you! And I’m not even talking about building an athletic body; whether you notice it or not, your body is subconsciously signalling your most primitive emotions, desires, and feelings to the world every second. Most people send a bad message about themselves – bad posture, closed bodylanguage, appearing small, or lacking facial expressions are all signs of a lack of confidence, nervousness, or untrustworthiness. While having good bodylanguage is not flirting in any way, having bad bodylanguage can cripple all your other flirting efforts.
Bodylanguage is mostly subconscious – so, you should develop a sense of confidence and openness to naturally improve the things your body is saying about you. With that being said, you can – and should – make a conscious effort to make sure you like what your body is telling the world about you.
- Take up some space: don’t try to appear small – try to look big! Find a position that lets you take up slightly more space, while making slightly exaggerated gestures with your hands when speaking. Taking up space signals confidence and dominance, while having large gestures make you look more social.
- Open up: don’t close down – ever! Take a few slow, deep breaths, get your hands out of your pockets, uncross your arms and legs, and open up! Maintaining an open body-position will not only make you look more trustworthy and confident – but after a while, it will actually make you feel more confident too!
- Maintain good posture: catch yourself slouching or having a nerd-neck! A good posture signals strength, power, health, and confidence – to develop a good posture, stand up straight (your neck too!), pull your shoulder-blades back, and slightly flex your abs when standing upward!
- Relax your body: take slow, deep breaths, and find a position that’s actually comfortable; remember: if your body looks comfortable in a situation, then most likely you will also appear to be comfortable – regardless of what the little voice in your head is telling you.
- Have facial expressions: remember that you’re not a guard from the Buckingham Palace (or if you are, then you’re probably not working while on a date)! Play with your facial expressions! Having a neutral expression all the time is boring and creepy – at the very least you should have a slight half-smile; but if you truly let your face express your emotions, you will come off as more genuine, social, and open!
- Move slowly and gracefully: you’re not in a hurry; you’re just enjoying the moment. So, don’t jitter, don’t have darting eyes, and don’t walk like you’re trying to escape from someone! Move slowly to create a confident, dominant and powerful presence, while also giving you more time to think about what your next move will be.
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