Before you start chasing girls, develop women-skills, or check out my other articles on dating and women, I want you to understand something…
Most of us know that we want to have a satisfying and happy relationship; that we want to hook up, or go on casual dates with cute girls; or to find a special someone to have meaningful conversations and share amazing experiences with. We usually know what we want, but more often than not, we have no clue why we want it.
So, most of us start chasing girls for all the wrong reasons, developing false expectations and hopes along the way, not only hurting ourselves – our confidence, self-respect, and our whole idea about women – but also every girl who comes across us – and is unfortunate enough to fall for us.
You have to understand that to have a healthy relationship, or even just to hook up with someone without playing them (even if it’s unintentional), you first need to get your own shit together. Once you have clear motives and intentions, you’ll have a much healthier view on girls, relationships, and even yourself!
Before giving you the one valid reason to pursue women, I’ll give you four reason not to.
Some men need women to feel good about themselves. They want to feel masculine and powerful; wanted – desired – and attractive; they want to feel like they have superpowers to get any girl they want, be the perfect boyfriend, or even emotionally manipulate or hurt a girl just to feel superior and powerful. All while needing constant external validation and feedback to feel good about themselves – so, they chase constant success with women, and envious glares from other men, while desperately wanting compliments, attention, and validation.
But it’s all bullshit. People who need constant external validation to feel good about themselves don’t feel good about themselves at all. Sure, these men seem like glorious champions at the moment of success – but in real life, they’re unconfident and insecure; unsure about their masculinity, attractiveness, and sexual performance. They come off as needy boys, who need women just to feel like men – because in their subconscious minds, they cannot be men on their own.
So, if you’ve ever found yourself chasing girls just to feel good about yourself, or bragging about your legendary successes with women to others just to make yourself feel more of a man, then realize that you’re not achieving anything; you’re just making your insecurities worse, while signalling them to the world in the most pathetic way! Women will sense that you’re unconfident and needy, and men won’t envy you – they’ll just think that you’re a bragging – even lying – jerk. Instead, start working on your confidence, and chase women only when you genuinely want them – but don’t need them to feel good about yourself!
We’ve all heard the question “So, who’s your crush?” as a teen; then, in our mid-twenties, some of our friends and former classmates are already getting married! Pretty soon we find pictures of their newborn babies on social media – and maybe you feel that for some reason you have to do the same. You might think that you’re somehow late or missing out on something.
But I don’t have to be that dramatic to make a point; the last time you went clubbing, you probably saw other men dancing, kissing, or even leaving the club with women – and you might have felt pressured to do the same, even though you just wanted to have a good time with your friends. Or maybe after a few dates, you felt it an obligation to make the girl your girlfriend, even though you weren’t that into her. Or maybe you just felt weird that you were single at a time when everyone else around you seemed to be in a fulfilling relationship.
Social pressure comes in many forms, but you don’t have to give in if you don’t want to! In fact, you shouldn’t chase girls or advance your relationship just because someone’s expecting you to do so – whether it’s your family, your friends, a girl, or society.
You have to realize that giving in to these social expectations will not make you happy – and resisting won’t make you unhappy. In fact, if anything, giving in will make you unhappy and full of regrets in the long-run. You have to become immune to social pressure, go after only the things you truly want – and have women in your life not because others are expecting you to, but because you want to!
If only… are the two words that are almost always followed by pure bullshit.
You might believe that getting a girlfriend, losing your virginity, or going on a date with your crush will finally make you happy and satisfied – that it’s the last piece missing from the puzzle of your life. But that’s just not true; achieving your current relationship-goals (whatever they may be) won’t make you happy on its own – at least not in the long-run. You will always have new goals, new dreams, and new things you want from life; the journey is never over!
This is not to say that you shouldn’t fight for your dreams, or that you shouldn’t pursue women. You definitely should – but don’t expect them to be the source of your happiness from them on; it’s not only an expectation that they can never live up to, but it’s also one of the neediest and most unattractive mindsets you can have! So, don’t lie to yourself by telling yourself that you will be happy once you’ve achieved whatever it is that you want with girls!
Women alone won’t make you happy in the long-term. Having amazing experiences (both with and without girls), constantly fighting for – and eventually reaching – your goals, and having great people in your life will definitely add greatly to your happiness. But the basic foundation should come from within – your mindsets, perspectives, and outlook on life – and all external things should just add to your already amazing life!
It might be tempting to have someone you can talk to whenever you want to have a meaningful conversation; someone to have sex with, without putting in too much effort; someone to cuddle with at night, or someone to share great experiences with – experiences that you might not feel like doing on your own. It’s very comfortable to have someone – almost anyone – to support you, believe in you, and love you; it’s convenient to have someone around whenever you’re feeling lonely…
Even though being in a relationship is convenient in many ways, it’s a double sided coin – something that most of us fail to understand when we’re single. Relationships come with lots of work, sacrifices, and compromises – as well as the opportunity cost of being with someone else. If you’re not absolutely crazy about the girl – besides the fact that you’re practically using her – the downsides to being with her will eventually outweigh the benefits – you’ll feel trapped, unhappy, and full of guilt and regrets.
The one reason to “chase girls”
In short, you should only pursue women if you have a genuine interest in them – without having hidden intentions or motives – enjoying the experience while appreciating their internal and external beauty and valuing their personality. Regardless of what your goal is, you have to actually like women and value their presence in your life.
Still, you can have a genuine interest in girls for many reasons. You might want:
- To gain amazing experiences
- To develop your women-skills while getting to know yourself better
- To hook up or go on dates just for the fun of it
- To be with a very special girl, who you’re absolutely crazy about
The important thing here is that you should pursue women because you want to – internally – and not because you feel some external reason to do so – whether it’s gaining validation, giving in to external pressure, or having false hopes and expectations!
By adopting this mindset, you’ll become more relaxed around girls: you won’t need anything from them; you’ll just want to share experiences with them – this tiny shift of mind means a huge difference. You’ll become more confident, less needy, and more able to show genuine interest toward the girl – all attractive traits propelling you towards success with women and happiness in life!
Do you agree with this list? Let me know your thoughts in the comments! Also, make sure to follow Vikinfinity – not only on WordPress, but also on Facebook! I release new posts every Tuesday and every Friday, and you don’t want to miss them!